Living single

There are many times that my heart hurts so much because I want what everyone else has. I want a family, I want a husband and I just want to be loved. It hurts.

Now I'm not asking for your pity I'm just telling you that there is a longing in me that I can physically feel sometimes.

Here is an example: Last night I was with some great friends and there was a dad and his son their. Dad and Son have seen some recent turmoil mainly b/c son is growing up and it just gets tough. But I watched this 13 year old boy turn and just hug his father, his dad put his arms around him as he was having a conversation w/ someone else. Their embrace was less than a minute but to watch this boy just hold onto his dad was heart warming.

The dad and son went on like it was normal, but I felt a huge gap after viewing this simple act of love and trust. I left wanting that, I want to be that for someone and I also want the freedom to be that child.

Now I'm not saying that having a husband or a family is going to fix anything. But to go weeks, even months and not hug someone feels like, well it makes me numb. My heart hurts.

You may be saying but you have great people around you and I do. But there is an intimacy that is missing, for someone to truly care about me and for me to care about them. There is a part of me that I haven't been able to utilize. A part of me that wants out. But God has plans for me that I may not ever understand, it is just hard to know that those plans are actually happening or going to happen.